Desperate People In Desperate Times

Chapter 4
The Distinguishing Marks of Desperate People

“Then Jacob asked, saying, ‘Tell me Your name, I pray.’ And He said, ‘Why is it that you ask about My name?’ And He blessed him there. And Jacob called the name of the place Peniel: ‘For I have seen God face to face, and my life is preserved,’ Just as he crossed over Peniel the sun rose on him, and he limped on his hip.” (Genesis 32:29-31 NKJV)

What would be a sign of Jacob’s encounter with the Lord? Not something that would be a secret between God and the man. No, it was much more conspicuous than that, a limp that would remain with him to the end of his life; the need to lean on a walking stick.

By faith Jacob, when he was dying, blessed each of the sons of Joseph, and worshiped, leaning on the top of his staff. Heb 11:21 (NKJV)

A name change would indicate the nature changes that were under way; and a physical mark would indicate the need to continue to lean on the Lord.

Out of necessity Jacob’s life changed because of his God-inflicted injury. Some might look on this affliction as humiliating, for Jacob it was a souvenir from Peniel when God came so close to him that he won His favor.

The Apostle Paul also carried an annoyance or disability in his body and sought the Lord to remove it. The Lord spoke that His strength is made perfect in weakness and that His grace would carry him during this time. After Jesus spoke this revelation to Paul, Paul said, “if that is the case I will boast in my infirmities and weaknesses.” (2 Cor. 12:7-9 my paraphrase).

The object of our boasting at Victory Fellowship was our carefully constructed and organized programs. I had gone to great lengths to study the latest trends and target our resources for maximum impact. I had attended many seminars and conferences of successful leaders and pastors over the years and was very confident in what we were doing. Amazing thing was I had learned to lean on imported programs and someone else’s great ideas. I had no word from the Lord for any specific thing that I had implemented. How easy it was be to drop a program and move on to the next one if it did not prove to be as successful as promised.

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A New Leadership Style
I had never had a single lesson on how to wait. Yet what I was finding is that waiting is one of the most remarkable ways that Jesus has of leading His church.

The very thing that broke the back of King Saul’s leadership in Israel was his impatient heart. He simply could not wait for the prophet Samuel to offer a sacrifice before the army went into battle. Saul offered the sacrifice himself. Samuel said to him;

“You have not kept the command the Lord your God gave you; if you had, he would have established your kingdom over Israel for all time. But now your kingdom your not endure; the Lord has sought out a man after his own heart and appointed him leader of his people, because you have not kept the Lord’s command.” (1 Samuel 13:13-14)

On the other hand, David placed value on waiting on the Lord. Psalm 27:14 is one of many verses where he stated the necessity of waiting.

“Wait on the Lord: and be of good courage and he shall strengthen thy heart, wait I say, on the Lord.”

Patience or waiting is not a very popular subject among believers. Yet, scripture gives considerable attention to the virtue.

A synonym for one of the Hebrew words for wait is trust. The issue for King Saul was an issue of trusting the Lord, which manifested itself in his haste.

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Learning to Wait
Jesus was challenging my impatience and He was calling for a new level of trusting Him. Typically, I liked for our service experience to be predictable and constructed; smooth transitions, etc. When Jesus comes into a service experience, it tends to mess up our previously scheduled events. When this first began to happen in 2004 it was against everything in me to just wait and allow Jesus to lead.

The services began to take a new shape. We began to meet at 9:00 A.M for a half hour of prayer before service; it soon turned into a full hour that went right into the praise and worship time. There was more time spent in worship and prayer during the service as well. Often during the worship time people would move to the front and kneel or lie down on the floor and there would be times of waiting and listening for the Lord.

If the reward of my waiting is something that I really want, then waiting is tolerable. However, if for my waiting the real conditions of my heart are exposed, then that is another thing indeed. Conditions are right in this atmosphere to expose such things as pride, suspicion, a competition spirit, ambition, and comparison.

And in as much as these malignancies are present in me, I must learn to lean on the Lord’s grace for His antidote.

It seemed that Jesus had allowed me to taste His goodness so that I would want more. But the next thing that I encountered was my own compromised heart. For all of my seeking Him I expected more of the sweetness of what I previously experienced. Instead He was holding a mirror allowing me to see my own condition.

There was only one thing to do about this, repent! And the repentance continues to this day as Jesus continues to test my heart. There is such a tendency in me to return to presumption and programming. Presumption always makes me vulnerable to the enemy and takes me away from the Lord’s presence. I must continually practice waiting on direction for Him.

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Posturing Our Hearts
At this juncture in our journey it would have been easy to clap our hands for what He has done and move on. We had previously been so caught in the trap of the expecting the Lord to instantly responding to our whims. He was not quick to respond to our tears and cries. At times He has been disappointingly slow. While He continued to bring His comfort, it seemed the Lord wanted us to learn to posture ourselves in such a way that this would be our default position.

I do not know if I understand His ways in this completely but David’s words offer some help.

“How long O Lord, will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day sorrow in my heart?...But I will trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation.” (Psalm 13:1-2, 5)

Apparently, David was experiencing such a place in his relationship with the Lord where he simply had to trust, wait, and lean on the promise of the Lords’ faithfulness and continue to pursue Him. Jesus loves to be pursued and sought after. He loves when we pare away distractions from our schedule and run hard after Him alone. Not for the benefits that He gives from His hand but for Him.

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Jesus is the Reward for Waiting
The Shulamite is pictured in bed when the bridegroom knocks at her door. It was not the appropriate time for fellowship; it was sleep time, so she hesitates. Finally, her emotions are stirred to see him so she gets up and goes to the door to find that he is gone. Her heart sinks at his departure but she does not stop there she runs through the city calling to him. The next time they are pictured together they are coming out of the wilderness and she is leaning on her beloved (Song of Solomon 5:2, 8:5)

Jesus had stopped answering me through the noise I had created. He refused to respond to my self-imposed deadlines. Instead Jesus would come at the most inopportune time.

Have you ever multi-tasked God? I love to drive and pray and still do to this day. However during this season of my journey the Lord let me know that He was offended that I did not consider Him worthy of my undivided attention. Another course correction was needed and I had learned by now that it would be worth whatever I had to do to rearrange my life for Him.

As in the case of the Shulamite, the question remains, will we follow Him into the wilderness in order to encounter Him on His terms?

Personal Journal Entry: January 12, 2005
Matthew 3:10 And now also the axe is laid to the root of the trees: therefore every tree which brings not forth good fruit is hewn down, and is cast into the fire.

Romans 11:16 For if the firstfruit is holy, the lump is also holy: and if the root be holy, so are the branches.

It seems that God is taking me and the elders at Victory back to examine everything that we do. We are to question why we started doing them and where they came from.

Funny how we spend our lives trying to minimize risk, trying to control our circumstances. God takes to a place where our circumstances are anything but controlled. It seems His whole preliminary work in us is to disqualify us before we can be qualified.

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